I put The MANual down. I put up my defense mechanism that pushes guys away, so I don’t have to get close and I don’t have to get hurt. At first I thought: I let my guard down. I stopped playing the game. But as my roomie points out, after 6 months of dating, you shouldn’t HAVE to totally play the game anymore. Of course you always wanna keep ’em guessing but… oh well. Enough woulda-coulda-shoulda.  And I mean I guess I wasn’t getting what I wanted. The second to last day of our relationship, we woke up together after having a tiff (sans makeup sex) the night before, and I rolled over and tried to get him to take his shirt off. He responded with “I don’t want to spend all day in bed cuddling!” Umm okay dude, all I wanted to do was it! And this is AFTER I was forced to say something about feeling unwanted because he wasn’t banging me out enough. (Sidenote: BAD move. I will NEVER make this mistake again, and I’ll soon write a post detailing why.) So I of course stormed out with an “I don’t know why I even want to see you with your shirt off!” (Not the nicest bod I’ve ever seen by any means.) So, anyway, I won’t bore you with the details of the break-up. I guess you could say it was mutual, but I think we both wonder whether we’ll end up together again. Of course the sad pathetic woman in me misses him every other second of the day. However, sometimes when I dig deeper, I wonder if I was more in love with the way he made me feel. In love with the idea of love.

REGARDLESS. And regardless of whether we ever did end up hanging out again, I need to heal. And I wanted to share some of the break-up advice and comments I got.  Some helpful, mostly funny.

“Break-ups are the best diets”

(The knots in my stomach HAVE been taking up plenty of room)

“You just need to get f*cked by a bunch of guys”

-my slutty friends

“You just need to get f*cked up”

-my alcoholic friends

“You just need to get drunk and do it with me”

-my guy friends, of course

“You just need to get your life together and say f*ck guys all together”

… okay, okay, I like that better. I’ve been to the gym 3 times in 3 days now.  Do everything you didn’t make time to do for yourself because you made too much time for him.

“Let’s go to the movies, it will take your mind off of it”

[Good idea, and Get Him to the Greek was awesome]

Maybe my fave convo:

“What’s his best friend’s name”

> …??

“Just tell me his best friend’s name”

>…I guess Phil?

“So repeat after me: ‘Okay so is it cool if I f*ck Phil now?'”

>@#$@! No!! I’m not saying that to him!!

“Just say it out loud right now. It will make you laugh.”

> ….

“Just say it!”

> I say it and crack up. Okay laughter IS the best medicine.



Up next: We love Man-daids.

P.S. The Book, The MANual I refer to is by Steve Santagati.  Don’t let the Cheesy cover fool you: it’s chock full of good info. Amazon.com that isht.  And then send it to your friends. Single or not.