…Not always the best policy. I’ll admit that. But dishonesty leads to distrust. And it becomes a slippery slope in a relationship. NO ONE wants to feel like they’re being lied to.
And I do understand “white lies” on the very rare occasion. AND, as for me, I am WAY too honest sometimes. Maybe I could learn to keep my mouth shut. Along those lines, not saying anything can also be construed as dishonest at times. HOWEVER, and now your judgment obviously comes in: sometimes just not saying anything is the best option of all.
Here’s my scenario. Dude I’d been seeing had a good girl friend, and being a territorial woman, I was a little jelly. I mostly knew about it via Facebook cheesy-ness. So one AM he was pretty adamant about getting me on the phone. Finally I carved some time out for him and he insisted we hang. “My friend Darcy got here last night and I want you guys to meet.” Before I could jump in, he continued: “She stayed in the guest room and I slept in my bed.”
I wasn’t really concerned because I trusted him and he’d sworn up and down that there had never been anything romantic between them, not to mention the fact that she was pregnant. I laughed and told him I wasn’t worried about it, but it struck me as kind of funny and awkward that he had even thrown that info into the convo unsolicited, not to mention the girl is prego sans BF/ hubby. I wouldn’t begrudge her (or him! his love for cuddling is proof of his overabundance of estrogen) a snuggle sesh! I’d heard so many times that she and I would hit it off and become BFF instantaneously, so of course I jumped on it. Plus she was a good friend of his, so I was stoked! =)
Well, I got there and he proudly showed me that he’d started painting the guest room the previous night! Yay!
The guys reading this are like ‘why?! That’s awesome– yeah for home improvements.’
We women with half a brain know that no mom to be is sleeping in a fucking freshly painted room. Oh yeah, breathe those paint fumes in, baby. Why not hit the pipe and guzzle a beer real quick too???
And, like I said, I don’t keep my fucking mouth shut. I’m not sorry. I WILL unapologetically call you out on making me look like a fucking idiot. Obviously I confronted him and he said he’d slept on the couch and she’d slept in his bed. It was “just easier” to say what he’d said. WTF does that even mean? Oh yeah, it must have been difficult to squeak out that extra sentence. I will say: Nice guy letting prego fatty sleep in your bed. However the fact that he’d thrown it in without my asking though is just– pardon the slang, but– retarded. Why say anything at all about the sleeping arrangements?? AND then later he mentioned (in front of her) how comfortable the couch was. Throwing that info into an unnatural part of the conversation also makes me believe you’re a bullshitter.
The point of this is: he said it in front of her, and the awkward silence followed. The awkward silence then sat on said couch, smokng a cigarette and laughing silently at me. I had to wonder: did he lie to me on the phone in front of her?? (?!?!) Ladies, DON’T STAND for being made to look like an idiot. I’m certainly not saying to nag or bitch on the regular, but call his dumb ass out when you catch him. He will respect you more for that. So: women, pick and choose your battles. Men don’t get into the bad habbit of lying when it isn’t necessary. And mostly, it’s beyond unnecessary.
I don’t want your friends to think you lie to me either, so DEFINITELY don’t pull that shit in front of your friends or mine.
Last thing: a good formula to use:
“I feel ____ when you ___ because…”
Try it. Simple, straight forward, gets the point across. Don’t belabor the point. But use those woman instincts and go with your gut. That woman intuition killed my relationship/ saved my life. But that’s a story for another day. Much love ❤